Part of me wants to start a new company, a new website, and to post “articles” there.
“Articles”, because somehow that means I’ll put up “proper writing”, because what I do here is journal, ramble, and isn’t polished.
And that’s true. The posts here aren’t polished. They’re not meant to be. This blog has always existed to be a place for me to vent, relax, let words lay low at the tip of my mind, slipping out when they feel like making sense, like the spill of water from the dam of a cliff’s edge, feeling like an accident but it’s from the ripple made by a splash of emotions running away from thoughts that cycle hard to catch them.
See?
So that part tells me I cannot be taken seriously, write properly, when I am here making sense only to me. It makes grand its plans — we’ll create a lasting, proper, respectable, respected content creation studio, one we can put down on paperwork — when feels small, casting large shadows that dance like anxiety, wondering whether I am enough, whether I will be accepted.
I can agree, part, that I will face some pushback when I write my work in official forms. And I can acknowledge the feeling of wanting to be respected, respectable.
Why is it, question, that the solution is to start something new, and not to write articles here? What is it about Witchy Therapy that you think we aren’t respectable?
Oh wow it’s 2:07 am.
Why do I feel small? Yes, there are people who shudder at what I do. There are also people who find me perfectly acceptable. Do I not believe in what I do? Or is it because I haven’t showed up the way I would want to?
“what if we do what we want to do, and we fail?”
___ What if we fly? What if we do well? What if it all works out?
Do you trust me to take care of you? To figure it out? We won’t always get it right, but we’ll find our way.
“i still want to start something new though.”
___ Okay, if that makes you happy. Let’s go ahead and try.
“then… what about witchy therapy?”
___ Well, that’s another project too. And that’s new. Think you can write there?
“no.”
___ Okay.
“we’ll start a new thing.”
___ What’s it about?
“writing and how-to’s and polished pieces. proper articles. things we learned. with good titles and introductions and paragraphs and conclusions. something people can learn. maybe interact. bring in business. money. the kind of writing that brings in money.”
___ Like, what, sales?
“psshhhhh-eth. no. not sales.”
___ You do realise that to write anything for the long term, we need to really love it? Be interested? Otherwise we let go.
“yeah so we write about things we’re interested in!”
___ Like…?
“like… like relationships, good communication skills, things about cleaning and cooking, skates? you know, things about life!”
___ And we can’t write them here because…
“because nobody will listen! we ramble! post funny weird things! you suddenly wanna go mark manson out of nowhere?”
___ Why not?
“why not? because you want to protect this space for your rambling. an annonymous space to just blegh our feelings. have no worry or expectation that anyone’s listening. something just us.”
___ Apart from Jarrod.
“apart from jarrod.”
“i kinda wish i didn’t give up the annonymous site we built, the one that’s now taken over by some idiot who’s hosting a porn site on it. then that could be the rambling, and this, with our name, could be the polished piece. can’t do that now, too many pieces here.”
___ So that’s where you want to start something.
“yeah, like a book, or an album. it’s you, but not all of you. just a part of you. and if it goes great, good. if not, it’s just one project piece.”
___ That’s… starting to make sense.
“like, taylor swift is a singer, but her projects are her albums. writers have books. content creators the latest piece of content.”
___ So what do we start?
“we’re a blogger, at our essence, at our core. it’s shifted to content creator now because we started filming pieces. but this is our base, where we began, where we will always come back to. much like seth godin, he writes, and leaves the rest.”
___ And if we can’t use our name, we can use a brand…
“it’s a project, of course!”
What do you want to start with?
___ “witchy therapy. we can write about channeling, and tarot.”
Of course, and next?
___ “yawn… (it’s 2:34 am) the better relationship project… i need sleep.”
We can go to bed, and figure this out again.
___ “okay… goonight.”
Good night.
*~*~*~*
My sleep cycle’s current status: messed up.
~ 2:30 am: sleep
~ 6:30 am: awake, hives. went for a cold water splash. saw dad awake, told him something about not using the bleach spray on the loo, listened to him yap about work.
~ 7:30 am: back in bed. cut my nails so scratching woulnd’t hurt the skin too badly. answered a bunch of whatsapps. went back to sleep.
~ 12:30 pm: awake again.
I guess that’s… nine hours of sleep. I feel alright, but I know it’s — you know what, I had nine hours of sleep. Yay!
I just scrolled facebook, and spotted Tim Ferris’ post about fear-setting on his blog. Went to read the post and realised: Tim’s blog is just tim.blog. His facebook page is a page, as an author…
And I’m back here, thinking about starting something new.
Back here, thinking about how something someone started a long time ago (Tim’s post is from 2017) can still be relevant today, hold up today, doesn’t have to be deleted.
Trying to convince myself that I can write it here, when a part exists to want to start something new.
So, what? markmanson.net? tim.blog? It took so long just to settle on a name I like, and I still question whether I should be “Rain” or “Amanda”.
What feels right, for now, right now? Doesn’t have to be forever. I can decide and adjust, as a post on someone’s socials said.
“let’s start something for me.”
___ Okay.
“just to post and prove to myself i can still write. still create good pieces. still make things that help, not just polished, but also well-written.”
___ Okay.
What would you wanna call it?
___ “thesecretlifeofrain..?”
Walter Mitty?
___ “yeah… hmm.”
What else you got?
___ “wordsanddemons, but that won’t go down well. whenwordsmakemagic. wwmm. w22m. nah. what rolls of the tongue and spills from my mind and i can say with pride? wishingyouwell. writingyouwell. tim has his 4-hour workweek. i have… letterstomyself. journalstack. penparade. projectsonparade. bookstack…
___ i don’t need it to be polished, i need it to be… intentional. each word, each line crafted for a reason. not artificial intelligence gathered.
___ i want this to be my ideas, or sparked from other’s ideas. that’s why 26 letters doesn’t feel like mine, because it was just loved and lifted off neil gaiman’s art matters and it wasn’t from my brain.
___ what do i love? what do i do? i fill journals, create book projects. put a specific paper with a chosen pen. chosenpen. too stationery/stationary?
___ i know books and blogs change lives, share worlds, take you away from your moment and perspective and place you where you see possibility and growth. take you to situations you need to make new decisions. become a space to open up the unhealed self.
___ and it’s not the book, it’s not the blog, it’s the medium. channelledwritings. it’s like loving typewriters or fountain pens but those are the tools. it’s the words. it’s the thoughts. the feelings, the intention behind why i do what i do: to write is to break free. to imagine. to have a space, to force a moment.
___ to hold yourself up the the universe and say, ‘i see you, in all your wonder and glory and worry and good. now see me.’
___ writing is existence. to witness and be witnessed, even if it’s just by your own mind.
___ writingisexistence? unfortunately i see “sex” in this. writing i sex istence. writing, ‘i, sex is tense.’ heheh.
___ to write is to exist. towriteistoexist.
___ i could do writing-is-existence.com. it’s no ampersand publish, but maybe it’s better. writingislife isn’t as good. neither is writingaboutlife.
___ is it too long? too… big of a word for the masses? can i explain it simply? when neil described all of language, the english language, as “twenty-six letters and a handful of punctuation marks”, i was taken by the beauty of its simplicity. it is also a mark of thought to explain in the easiest of words…”
I worry, I admit, of feeling pride. Of, while loving words, of wanting to use them to mark myself as “other”.
To write is to connect, in truth. What I want to do isn’t to use highfalutin language to say that I am separate. What I’ve always wanted to do it to use words to connect. To change. To help.
That’s why we tell stories. Even data and presentations.
writingtoconnect.
Now, the annoying bit. Is it already taken?
Available… *laughs*
✒️✨🧭
