I get one hour. One hour to do what I want to do, not what the people of the world ask of me. And I reach for Forty Days On Being A Seven and read Day 11.
It’s about stress, it’s about being judgy, it’s about taking a pause and noticing what’s happening (internally as well as externally) and then being curious as to what’s there, finding deeper meaning.
Coming off the back of Jarrod/Mind Evolve x Found Films’ Dramatic Resolve workshop, this seems timely.
In the workshop, we took on roles in a conflict, seeing what would play out, trying of different approaches to see if things would change. People tried patience, pointing out the facts, and everyone got tense and anxious.
Until I went back to what Jarrod was teaching, and I went into curiousity and openness, wanting to resolve the argument, instead of wanting to be right. (I had an advantage, because I’ve paid attention to Jarrod enough, and seen him to it enough, to remember the message.)
I went in curious, and tension dissapated. Everyone took a step to breathe. And we got a solution to something we considered unsolvable.
And now I read about being curious in stress, instead of being judgy. And to see what questions come up.
Jarrod has always asked me to ask questions. It’s been there from the early conversations. He’s always held space and encouraged them.
I’m only starting to learn why and how questions can be the most powerful thing we can open our mouths to say. Especially when done with curiousity and good intention.
Am I in a stressful situation now? Kinda.
My realtor group has a 30-day social media challenge, and I’m falling behind as they do the daily tasks and report back. I hate being told what to do (which is why I am starting my day here) and having to report and having someone on my case for not completing the task.
I’ve got two projects to work on.
I’ve got Jarrod/Mind Evolve’s Tiktoks to create.
I’ve got my own content I’d like to create and publish.
And it’s — taking a deep breath — getting to me that I don’t have enough time or rest or energy or space.
deep breath
So I evade by taking up my own project away from people. I set a one-hour timer (41 minutes left) to come here and make words for myself first. I was reminded of a financial blueprint to always pay yourself first, and that’s what I’m doing.
Why do I hate being told what to do? It’s not that I (1) hate and (2) hate it. I dislike someone else doing the thinking. They don’t know me or my life or what matters. I don’t like giving up control. Not having control. And I don’t hate the tasks. I joined the group (unwillingly) so that’s on me. (Why?) Because the team was going to do something together and I was expected to… which I don’t like. So I’m falling behind as a way to… rebel. (Is that what I really want to do?) No. I get the idea behind the challenge — get active on social media, it’s free publicity — but I don’t want people chasing when I’m not there because it’s a witness to my failure.
Hm. Okay.
“Witness to my failure”, why is that important?
No one likes having their failures told, in open… to people they don’t like or trust… to be judged.
Only if… their opinions matter. Or if they will hold it or use it against you later…
It’s okay to fail in front of people you trust, whom you know will love/support/understand you. Whose opinions you can trust/respect/want.
It’s not okay to fail in front of people you don’t trust, who will judge/laugh/use it as ammunition against you. Unless they don’t matter.
Are they in the ring with you? Participating in the circle? Do their opinions matter? Are they people whose lives you want as yours? (This is Brene Brown…)
I don’t like not being true to my word. Saying I’ll do something means I want to do it, and not get caught — be — in a situation where I’m not.
(29 minutes)
In a real stressful situation, a recent conversation I had, I had to catch myself from shutting down, from letting old stories overshadow the plot of what was happening, and to separate my reactions from what was reality, and what was coming from old stories.
It was a quick succession of:
- what am i feeling, here or away?
- i’m shutting down–can i be open?
- what is he telling me?
- do i understand?
- am i paying attention to what’s in front of me, or my own story?
- is this reaction happening to what’s here, or an old trauma?
And I could separate my anxiety from what was really happening — I was safe, we are okay, he’s not mad at me — and realise I was anxious because of an old trauma.
(20 minutes)
No one told me self-awareness would be like this.
But I’m glad I’ve got to a place where I have tools and I get to experience what tough conversations done well feel like.
The hardest thing is to hold on to that curiousity.
🌧️
Image of an orange cat lying on feathers by 孟想家 from Pixabay.
Y’all get the Alice in Wonderland connection too, right?
