If you’ve read articles, tried lots of tips, gone exploring and meditating and come out frustrated with the whole process, we might have been on the same boat.
And since I’ve gotten off the boat and found land, I’m writing this in hopes that you find your place in the world too.
Just a note though, before we start. This is going to be as irritating and frustrating as all the other articles we read and tried. And also as clear, simple, and easy as day. (Yup, I already said it was gonna be irritating.) 🙂
Stop looking for your purpose then.
(Yes, I know you’ll want to throw your phone across the room, or worse, use the ‘back’ function. Hold on and hear me out.)
There are times when we’re looking too hard, and miss the thing right in front of us. This is one of those times.
Looking for purpose is… frustrating because it is futile. No one “finds” their purpose in the same way we find, say, a coin on the floor. It doesn’t appear fully-formed and ready for the world. We “find” our purpose by way of realisation, a lightbulb turned on, illuminating a room that we’ve been in all this time and we say, “oh, so that’s what it looked like all along!”
Your purpose is the thread, the combination, the distillation of everything that you’ve been doing, liking, been interested in.
That means you stop looking for your purpose like it’s something external to you.
You start looking at the things you do, that you like doing, that you turn to no matter what, and find what’s common there.
“But I don’t have things that I like.”
Ah, then we find a different problem. Stop putting your life on hold while you wait for some scroll or declaration from the heavens.
Go out, find things that make your heart beat, that engage your brain, that put a spring in your step and add a spark to your life.
You’re not going to find your purpose sitting in your room and staring at your phone (this post is an exception, of course), or watching other people chase their dreams, wondering when it’ll be your turn.
When you go out and follow your excitement and your interest, that’s the beginning of finding your passion.
Make your scrolling useful then: What have you been liking and watching? Can you go do that?
I’ve been watching dance videos and reality tv dance competitions — I went and joined a dance class, started learning West Coast Swing, and (I’m surprised to find) I’ve joined competitions here and overseas.
Does it mean that my passion and purpose is dance? No, but it helps me identify the spark, so I can find it in other places too.
“What if I get it wrong?”
Like I wrote earlier, dancing helps me figure out the spark, even if it’s not where my purpose lies.
When you go explore, you’re learning to recognise yourself. What you enjoy, why, what brings you closer to the light you’re seeking, and what takes you away.
Nothing’s ever wasted. Not time, or effort, or love. Because you grow with everything you do, and you bring it with you to the next thing.
There is no punishment for joining something that doesn’t turn out to be what you want, you know. It’s learning and realising and then going on to the next step. You’ve tried it out and now you know better, and that’s a win too.
(I’m looking at myself having joined real estate sales, and now I’m choosing to walk away. I’ve had a look, took the time to learn, and I leave knowing that I have zero fear of walking up to people to start a conversation, that being human is more important than any sales tactic, and that I can do something I’ve never done before, so long as I know/believe I will be able to figure it out. See? Nothing ever wasted.)
Find the common thread.
With the things you like, the things you do, the things that people think you’re brilliant and naturally talented at (when actually you just liked it so much you put in the hours and picked up the lessons you needed).
Also observe what you’ve been doing all this while, that you assume everyone else does, but it’s only you.
I journal, I write, I type on this blog. And I’m constantly watching or listening to self-help and personal development videos or books. I thought everyone does this, but no.
Some people find satisfaction in sales and money and the chase of success. Some people want to stay home, keep their routine, hold their current work position and responsibilities. Some want to take care of the people around them, or animals, or corporations and brands. Some want to make music.
There are two parts to this: What you do, and why.
Look at your actions, and look at why you are drawn to them.
And don’t just look at your actions. Look at why you are drawn to them.
Do you like video games for the art, the challenge, the teamwork, the escape? Do you like make-up and fashion for the ability to enhance, mask, change, express?
Especially when you have got many things that you like and do (and do well), it is the underlying draw that is important. Do you like breaking down big ideas into something bite-sized? Do you like explaining things in ways others can understand better? Do you like solving problems or improving what’s there?
Is it fun, connection, the story, the information, protection, harmony? Achievement, refinement, problem-prevention?
Go 20 questions on yourself and find out what it is that you like, that you are drawn to, that you find yourself already doing in some capacity.
Then, you have a statement that comes close to your purpose.
Mine? To create content, influenced by my life, that helps people.
“But my statement… it’s impossible, ridiculous!”
Is it, really, or did you convince yourself it’s impossible and ridiculous?
If it’s been based on your life, and you haven’t been living a lie, then this is real.
It can be hard. No one said having a purpose made things easy. It can be something no one has seen before (and doesn’t mean it shouldn’t). It can feel ridiculous, and that’s okay.
You don’t have to drop everything and chase your purpose. We still need to be wise. (We still need money, a place to stay, food on the table and in the fridge, to take care of ourselves and our dependants, and have what we want and need.)
It also means we start small steps. You might not see how you’re going to turn into an internationally-recognised, wealthy and acclaimed speaker overnight, but you have to start somewhere. Social media is a good place.
“What if… I can’t be seen trying?”
For a lot of people, the trouble isn’t finding out where your purpose lies. It’s in embodying that identity, and doing what you need to be doing.
Thing is, you already know what you want, and likely, you’re afraid of being seen, trying, maybe failing, privately and publicly. You want to to be successful without trying — hear how ridiculous that sounds?
Embodying the identity is choosing to do the actions. The results are a separate matter. Sure we want to succeed, to look good, to not be foolish. To get to that stage, we need to allow ourselves to be beginners. And beginners have both beginner’s luck and the ability to be foolish (a good thing, because that’s the stage you learn the most.)
Learning to allow for vulnerability is a skill. We get better and stronger the more we do it. Being comfortable with ourselves won’t happen without putting ourselves in positions where we’re being tested with others’ judgement.
Better to be seen trying by others’ fleeting eyes, than to never step out, and disappoint ourselves with regrets forever.
You probably have a favourite song, band, singer, actor, story. Can you imagine if they didn’t exist because someone was afraid?
Your purpose is yours to define.
If, like me, you believe that your purpose is a special thing, a contract, a sacred link to something Divine, you might have been waiting for a reveal to happen.
To be told, in a fully-formed message, what exactly you’re meant for, what you’re here to be.
But there is no angel messenger, no voice from within, no sudden revelation.
There is interest and attention and attraction. Quieter, but just as true.
Your purpose, as much as it exists, is also partly your creation. It is a choice — your natural interests only reveal what your purpose could be. It is your decision to choose it, and to make it happen.
You’re given a blank sheet of paper and a pen, and to write your life into existence.
So long as you are honest, you will never get it wrong. So long as you learn, you will never have time wasted.
So here comes the irritating bit: What will you choose?
Your purpose will grow as you grow, change as you change, so what you pick now doesn’t have to be forever. You also don’t have to pick now. (There is no time wasted, remember.)
But if you’d like to get closer, instead of further, pick the closest thing to your passions and interests, and go do something about it.
The rest will reveal itself to you, once you are moving.
💖
Image of the beach and the ocean by sulox32 from Pixabay.
Things are getting deeper, and it looks good from afar.
