It’s become something of a ritual to come on here and write a post to myself for a new year, so I put aside the journal that I’ve been writing in almost every day, and I’m back posting online.
It’s 12:40 am, I’m typing in bed, while people make noise with cheers, yells, and even the lift alarm bell (I hope that’s just a kid, not someone actually stuck).
I’ve pulled a tarot card to follow along the 12 Magical Nights, and then let a few cards fall out for my own reading —
“(Self-)Leadership feels like it’s filled with conflict, but it’s neither that tough nor that drastic. Think of it like kids play-fighting. You have impulses, and you’re also the one really in charge.
As for fortune and wealth, plant those seeds.
Trusting yourself feels like victory, success, and allows you to speedily make decisions, even to the surprise/shock of others.
It’s what you make of yourself and your life.”
I’ve — if I haven’t written it here before — come back to tarot. With Jarrod’s support, and to the smiles of my spiritual team. The month and a half in Adelaide changed so many things.
I’ve also realised, recently, that while I’ve always thought of myself as a writer, it’s more a part of who I am, rather than a job description. I was watching a show on Netflix and the main character wished, on every birthday, to become a successful writer. I’ve never wished for that. I’ve never wanted to be a successful script or content or copy or ghost writer. Even as a blogger I hope to write pieces that resonate with and lift people, maybe let them see or feel something that opens their minds and hearts, yet I’ve never worked at it like it was a job.
Real estate… I was having an imaginary conversation, and I heard myself telling someone that I took the realtor exam for fun, just to see what it was like, and to have something to do with my time, to complete the cycle and curiosity after writing so many real estate books. I panicked when I passed. I had no intention of ever being a realtor.
I know that I needed to do it, at the time I was doing it. I needed the people that I would meet, the team that I first joined. I needed the pull and the draw to take me out of the depressed state I was in, and to catapult me back into the world, as well as the karma that needed to be run and finished with.
Once that was over, and I shifted teams, I’m no longer the same person who joined, and no longer who they thought they knew. I’ve pulled back, completely inactive in terms of prospecting, and I might have this be my last year. I will fully complete my current responsibilites, of course. But then, that’s it.
“Responsibilities” reminds me — I have two books to write for my clients. I’ll need to unwind the emotions with that, so that they can move successfully.
I have website-creation responsibilities too. None of them pay me, but they are projects I can handle.
1:01 am.
Back in 2025, I declared a year of “intentional foolishness”.
To create and post and try chasing my goals, working through the cringe. To work “even if it terrifies you to be seen putting in the effort and without knowing whether it will work out or pay off”.
I posted some tiktoks. I’m posting the 12 Magical Nights. It’s late in the year, but I’m seeing how posting every day is helping me think of things and figure out stuff. Which I will celebrate.
“I hope you’ve chased some good dreams.” I’m chasing a few now. Being a tarot reader holds some spark of excitement. A loving relationship and marriage to Jarrod is the other dream I’m working with.
“I hope you find love for yourself that comes from within… I hope you listen to yourself more than you listen to others. And… listen to the council.” I’ve been journalling, almost every day. Some days I have found myself crying, some silently screaming, some realising what absurd nonsense I’ve been believing. I’ve been to a few therapy sessions, one psychic medium session, and alongside what I read in Internal Family Systems and actually drawing out my council and meeting my parts, I’m getting to know myself better, and starting the journey of trusting myself. Forgiving myself of what I did and didn’t do was also a journey, because everything that I did, I did the best I could, with what I believed. I’ve had good days of love and gratitude too. And I’m starting to feel my emotions, not think through them, and regulating myself gently.
“Go choose only one thing… at each moment you can only choose to be or do one thing.” (-_-) The card I pulled out for November 2026 just led me to write “Many of us look for balance, thinking it’s a state without change… but balance happens through movement. We work, play, rest, and when you look at life across time, you’ll see the balance.” I have been resting more, since I’ve been back at home with my parents. And when it’s time to work, I’m sitting down to do it. Tracking my “done” list is a lot more satisfying than a “to-do” list, so I work with that.
It seems that my one thing might be going to tarot very soon.
“Go get your sleep.” Yess… it’s only in the last month, but yesss.
“I hope… you’ve lived your life with openness and curiousity and kindness.” I think so. I know I’ve had times when I needed to bear some feelings, and I also know I’ve had times when I’ve been playful. The recent months, a little fresher in my memory, I can say that I think I have.
“Intentional foolishness” was a great idea back then. I just didn’t realise that I didn’t have the right dreams to be foolish about. I guess that’s why it didn’t stick while I tried to be a writer and realtor, and only came in during the last months of 2025, when I started understanding who I am.
I guess now’s the time my letter to me next year…
Dear 2026 me,
Hey babygirl, how you doin’?
I hope that you feel love, and loved. I hope that you feel healthy, sexy, trusting your mind and spiritual team and body.
I hope that you are happy. Contented, joyful, excited, alive.
You’ve made a pact with the universe, with the 12 Magical Nights. I hope you’ve held your end of your wish, and that the others came true too.
I hope you’re finding yourself, and then choosing you.
Make life what you want it to be. No one else understands or knows what’s right, or what makes you happy. The only person with real say is you.
Let light influence your dreams, let kindness influence your words, let love be found in all the things that you do.
And even if things don’t really make sense, you can let the experience be yours.
I accept you, wherever you are, and you are safe, because you’re (with) me.
💖
